What an interesting February!

It’s been sixteen years since I loss my father and this year was quit interesting.  Anyone who knows me, knows I pick up and go when I feel the calling to do so.  The first weekend of February I needed to go home.  Home as in my mommas house, where I was raised in Louisiana.  Before my daddy died I promised him that I would visit him at the cemetery every year for his birthday.  I promised I would shower him with Lottery tickets, boudin, cracklin, and a coke.  I had kept the tradition going until we fled from Louisiana after we made a family decision, which was the best thing for my mental health.  I will share the story one day to my readers, I promise.

The first weekend of February, I decided to face my fears and head home.  I told my husband I was leaving and that we could meet up that Friday with the baby in New Orleans.  I really needed to see my friends and spend some time with my family.  I took off and the road trip began.  I arrived and stayed with mom and the next day we attempted to attend my uncle’s mass but, for some weird reason it wasn’t taking place.  My mom stated, “It’s ok, let’s get to the cemetery and visit your dad.”  No questions…. she knew why I was there and I knew she needed me too! We got the Lotto tickets and boudin and got to the grave site where my great grandma, great grandpa, great uncle, grandma, and grandpa are all buried.

PTSD sucks, memories constantly float in my memory and I am learning to be strong and not allow them to take over my mind.  I am a work in progress. Grief is a lengthy process and I should know this as I took two classes in college.  I can still remember it raining and my uncle coming up to me and telling me we needed to leave the grave site.  It was hard and those two years that followed were the worst years of my life.  I am thankful for my faith and family.

We arrived to the cemetery and walked to the grave.  I was excited to see his spot and even more excited to scratch my Lotto tickets.  I gave some to momma and she only won a ticket.  I won thirty five dollars.  We ate our boudin and laughed about memories and said a decade of the rosary.  I knew mom was getting hot and uncomfortable so we left.

February has always been a tough one for me.  My dad’s Birthday, Valentines Day, and his death the day after.  But, this year was different and I will explain why.  After leaving the site, mysteriously, I had 167 text messages come in all at once.  Super weird…… but, I brushed it off and tried not to be paranoid.  I met with one of my girlfriends. We had coffee at my favorite spot and rite after I headed to eat crawfish with one of my besties.  Just she and I! The following day I woke up and headed to NOLA to be with my daughter.  The weather was so awful I couldn’t even see the roads.  But, it was ok, I was almost to her house. I arrived and the next two days we had to ourselves.  It was fantastic! The following day my husband, my baby son, and maw arrived at the Bed and Breakfast.  We had the best time.

But, my girlfriend called to tell me that they had loss electricity, gas, and water in Lago Vista, Texas where I currently live.  Her exact words, “Jillian your timing is impeccable!”  When we arrived home on Sunday, they had just got back all the essentials that I was having in Louisiana.  She was right.  For twelve days and for the first time in three years I was able to see all of my friends and feel safe as I had my husband with me.  I had heat, electricity, gas, and water. I think February will be easier for me now as so many blessings showed up.

Before I left, I cried thanking my dad for always watching over me and making sure I would be ok.  His hugs, to his daily prayer, love for the Virgin Mary, adoration, and the rosary were something that always made me feel safe.  My father was the kindest, most loving, dedicated catholic, and disciple of Christ.  He and my mother were beautiful examples of the Church.  But, as he would always say, “No one is perfect Gigi! There will always be bad seeds in every organization but, always remember your heart and love for the Lord isn’t the bad seed.”  I miss him so much and I am blessed to have the beautiful memories and attributes my father, Robert Mark Edwards, left me to embrace and never give up,  even though sometimes it may seem impossible.  Impossible was never something he told me…..he told me to do right, never lie, and help others.

We arrived home in Lago Vista, Texas on Monday at 1:00 am to busted pipes and a flooded master bedroom and bath. It will be ok because February is almost over with and nothing is impossible.  It can be fixed!