Restless Nights

It’s almost impossible to sleep in a hotel where so many memories flood in my brain. We got here at 2:00 am. I couldn’t sleep kept having nightmares about things. The happiest city has become unpleasant to me. Driving into Lafayette my body felt and began to become so uncomfortable. I don’t get it. All the work and determination to get better... is it really working? From the looks of it from inside it hasn’t. I’m still fearful, i am still angry, and i just want the day to be over. Thoughts of taking medicine flood my mind. Thoughts of unforgiving me are locked within. My anxiety and awareness have become heightened and lack of sleep, has me wondering why I would agree to discuss business today. What was I thinking? Why do i trust so many knowing they only desire one thing? What will allow me to forgive and move on and be in a better place? I sit here wondering where i went wrong. My daddy would be so sad that the place i once loved is now hell to me. Please God and all the archangels assist me and protect me from fear within. I know this isn’t from you and You desire me to heal. Please Lord i beg you to help me.

What’s wrong, with me? I’ve only just arrived? I am suppose to be here with my family, celebrating my cousin, and having fun with my children. Don’t let Lafayette get the better of me. I have risen above the judgmental, small minded, shit hole town that I grew up in. The clutches of its energy and the pain of the past will affect you, only if I allow it.

Destroy those feelings with my beautiful energy, keep my head high. Happiness and success are the sweetest revenge my love 🙂

I know it’s not easy. I know people feel the exact same way when they are here. I am strong, I will use that strength and my prayers to take it one moment at a time. I don’t live here. I’m only a visitor this time. Today brings about a lot of emotion for me and my Dad is looking down upon me and celebrating the many successes I’ve accomplished. Try to focus on the good. I love myself for God sake!

Big Lonnie and I all dressed up for my cousin's wedding, ready to celebrate ❤️

 

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